“Does marriage counseling work? My wife and i have tried seeing a wedding counselor for the last number of weeks, but it doesn’t seem like it’s doing anything… What am I doing wrong?”
If you’re many of the lost and confused husbands in the 21st century, then get already tried one of the most commonly prescribed in order to any marriage problem, i.e. marriage therapy.
I don’t know when it became such common practice, but somehow the go-to solution virtually any and all problems could plague a relationship (separation, loss of passion, divorce, infidelity, lack of communication, etc.), the most prominent and widely advice that you will definately get is “have you tried marriage mental health care?”
You would imagine such a booming and reputable industry would be so highly recommended due to its high success rate, right? In other words, marriage counseling is so popular because it attributes a history of legitimately fixing the marriage problems that plague so many relationships these days, right?
Wrong!
Did you know…
Marriage Counseling have the Highest Failure Rate of Any Therapy
Yup, marriage counseling and marriage counselors have all-time low success rate of some other counseling or therapy related field.
So, does marriage counseling work? I would personally say ‘not even close’.
* Drug addicts in rehab possess a higher success rate than marriage counselors
* Alcoholics in AA have an encouraging success rate than marriage counselors
* Anger management therapy has an encouraging success rate than marriage counselors
* Even the prison counseling programs for murderers, rapists and other criminals possess a higher success rate than marriage counseling
You would think that for a good deal $200 every hour there’d be some associated with guarantee that you might see triggers your marriage, but this is absolutely false. Marriage counseling DOES Perform for most couples, and marriage counseling success rates are surprisingly low (less than 25%).
There is a form of couple yet benefit from marriage and family counseling, but it is the exception, not the signal. Most marriage counselors don’t effectively address the true issues which have been leaving these people wife ‘unfulfilled in our marriage’.
Does Marriage Counseling Exercise? Do We Have the Highest Divorce Rates, Ever?
Admittedly, based on the text recent statistics, the divorce rate in america has finally come to somewhat of the plateau in the past couple years because less people have grown to be married, so there are less couples to split.
But still, in weight loss 10 – 25 years divorce rates have sky rocketed, . i want which really think this through for a moment in time… Doesn’t it seem strange that the rise in divorce rates correlates almost directly whilst thriving marriage counseling industry? Some might argue that this seems sensible because more divorces require more marriage counseling, but let us say the true source of the problem wasn’t actually divorce, but essential ineffectiveness, even counter-productivity, of marriage advice?
I’ll let you an sort of this – My own parents are divorced. These married for upwards of 20 years, and they tried my way through the book to save their wedding. They tried not one, not two, not three, not four, but FIVE different marriage counselors during 10 YEARS, and none of them of them did anything to save their marriage.
In fact, the marriage only ever got worse because mom and dad became frustrated with the absence of progress, and that frustration resulted in even more problems a marriage.
In other words, marriage counseling added fuel to the fire, and then it poisoned my parents’ marital life.
Now, I’m not much of saying looks too marriage counselors are complete quacks, but a surprising amount turn out. Their marriage counseling methods and techniques are dependent upon theory, conjecture and textbooks, not actual romantic or human experience or even on successful marriages.
Many Marriage Therapists Lack Proven or Relevant Experience
This could possibly be said about many therapy related fields, nonetheless feel that it can especially true in marriage counseling. I am aware of multiple marriage counselors who have actually been subject to a divorce, but continue to teach others how to repair their un. Clearly these people have no idea what works if cannot even save their own marriage, so why would you believe in them to save yours?
Again, I don’t want to make any overly broad generalizations here, but I feel such marriage counseling field has become equivalent with divorce lawyers… It’s just one more cog in the machine resulting in the simultaneous degradation and capitalization of marriage in america. I mean, from a price standpoint they’re both display… It will run you about $400 for one to talk on the phone with divorce attorney, and a single marriage counseling session will usually cost you at least $100, plus for a ‘good’ one.
These are people that know you’re desperate usually are willing to take advantage of those are personal gain.
Think about it, if you were seriously truly believe in helping people and saving marriages, an individual demand $300 per session for something that you haven’t even seen consistently yield ultimate? I’m not saying it’s morally wrong to charge a wad of cash for your services, in case there’s such a lot money involved it’s only natural to question true motives, especially without results to justify a premier price.
Think about it, most marriage counselors recommend at least 10 sessions to see results inside your marriage, therefore you’re dropping $1,000 to $2,000 on totally unproven techniques and techniques.
Which brings me towards implied second part folks original challenge… Does marriage counseling work, and why or test?
And to me, this is exactly what seems become the reason most marriage counselors fail:
Most Marriage Counselors Are usually Trained To check out Problems, Not Create Solutions
This is what I really think it relies on… Everything that your average marriage counselor has learned, and consequently everything they teach you, was likely written the psychologist.
All those actions that your marriage counselor tells the person…
* “Just keep working at it”…
* “Communication is the key”…
* “Be more open with each other”…
* “Start having intimacy time”…
* “Date nights your answer”…
* “Make her feel loved”…
All associated with things are written loan . text book somewhere of which textbook was written any psychologist. These are things that ladies think they want, in addition they do when everything is definitely perfect, having said that they will NOT save your marriage.
These typical things you ought to doing if your marriage is thriving, more like characteristics of this successful marriage than actual techniques to repair a broken one.
But You are Clearly See Their Train of Thinking…
A good marriage has open communication, right? In order that it ‘makes sense’ that to fix a broken marriage you will need to develop open communication, most suitable?
A good marriage has spouses who enjoy intimacy time with every other, true? So, it ‘makes sense’ to express that if you force intimacy time you’ll fix your marriage, appropriately?
But marriage isn’t backwards compatible this way… It doesn’t work because these logical solutions are NOT going perform when there is absolutely no feelings of attraction or emotional fondness behind that. So even if you’re going the actual motions correctly, there just isn’t guarantee you’ll actually fix your marriage.
In fact, if anything you’re almost guaranteed to get it worse, because you’ll remind your wife how bad things need that she can’t feel ANYTHING in the event that you’re apparently trying challenging.
Remember, attraction is the only thing that can save your romantic relationship. Without attraction there is no emotional incentive driving your wife to go back to you… Logic, reason, counseling, courses, books, rational techniques and perseverance will not save your marriage. Feelings, emotion and passion likely will.
So, does couples counseling work? Does marriage counseling work? I reckon that I should let ones own experiences offer you the definitive answer, but of all of my own engagement ring experience I would personally say that you’re most likely better off trying repair things with the users own than using a counselor.
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